THIS is the best type of birth

When the one you want is also the one you need.

I have supported a woman to get a planned Ceasarean Birth for severe Tokophobia (Childbirth Phobia). As we talked, she admitted to having thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore but struggling to verbalise that to her midwife.

Once we dug a little deeper together, we realised that in an effort to cope, she was burying a lot of her fears and presenting a really 'together' image that was in stark contrast to the despair she was feeling. Once we explored that a little, we were able to discuss how she could accurately present her feelings to her midwife without becoming overwhelmed.

Within days she was receiving superb care from Perinatal Mental Health and an Obstetrician with a compassionate approach for women suffering in this way. She had her planned Cesarean birth quickly confirmed and was a changed woman.

She later spoke with joy about her child's birth.

Another woman I supported wanted a Home Birth. She was not an ideal candidate but it definitely wasn't unrealistic as an aim. Her Community Midwife had said it wasn't suitable and she hadn't felt able to discuss it further.

She sat with feelings of discomfort because birthing in hospital wasn't the birth she wanted or needed at that moment. We talked about what she wanted from her birth and why she wanted to birth at home. She had a history of admissions to hospital for illness. She associated hospitals with sickness, fear and painful procedures.

I was able to put her in touch with a Private Midwife who knew the local maternity services well. The Private Midwife helped her to connect with the right members of NHS staff. In no time at all she was booked for an NHS Home Birth. All went well and she was thrilled with her experience.

Both had vastly different experiences of bringing their baby into the world, but both had the birth they wanted and needed.

THIS is the best type of birth.

It isn't always possible and I will write about ways to cope when this can't or doesn't happen. I was booked for home birth for my second child but needed a hospital birth, for example. So the birth I needed wasn't the birth I wanted. I work with so many women who have had similar experiences to me across all different types of birth. Let's explore that in the next blog post.

But for now. Have a think about whether your plans for birth, now or in the past, were about what you wanted and needed? If you are planning a birth, can you find a way to marry them up? Do you need a hand to think about how to express your needs clearly? Can you ask for a referral from your Community Midwife to a Senior/Consultant Midwife? You can contact me if that would help. Sometimes more is possible than we realise.